Something in These Sentences

I could blame what happened on an extra morning coffee. Then I had a tea before leaving home to walk downtown. Sometimes I forget that I work at home, which sounds strange as I reread it. I often consume more caffeine on Sundays than on other days. Then Monday arrives, this morning, and I forget to stop after one morning coffee. On Mondays I have therapy in the morning. I arrived ten minutes early and used the restroom twice before entering Martin’s office. As I write this sentence, I imagine I was blaming myself for something. This sentence has arrived on its own: I was afraid of something. Maybe I thought something bad would happen in the session. Martin would become angry with something I said. Something similar had happened to me in real life, many times. Why not also this morning? By the time I entered his office, I wondered how many minutes I would last on the couch. I would have to say that I couldn’t wait. I would return in a minute. These sentences help me realize something: I’m blaming myself for being human. I was frightened. I am frightened. My mind must become the focus. Must it? Maybe, if I keep writing sentences, and free-associating on Martin’s couch, mental focus will happen on its own.

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