Bodily Surprises

Both of us would have to wait a few moments. Or maybe not. Spontaneity can be part of any moment. Either one of us might speak or move his body in an unexpected way. Seconds sometimes feel like a lifetime. The moment I entered the creative space that his office reminds me of my body surprised me. The couch was seconds away. Instead, I walked toward the windows with a view of Pike Place Market and Elliott Bay. Then, without warning, last night’s dream came to mind, in which I was in this same space, walking toward the same windows. Had reality and dream become one? This question returned me to reality, to the fact that I was walking away from where I was supposed to lie down. I realized I was avoiding even glancing at Martin. Where was he? I knew where to find him, alongside his chair, waiting for me to find my way to the couch. These were still the initial moments. The psychoanalytic hour had started and the unconscious was already becoming the focus of our mutual attention, yet part of me appeared determined to deny it. Was I denying external reality, or my own subjective reality, or both? Martin’s words interrupted these inner questions. He asked if I wished to continue the session on the couch, or if I preferred to sit in the chair across from him. Perhaps my spontaneous bodily movements were finished with me, for now. Once I was lying down, last night’s dream that took place in this same creative space returned, and Martin listened to me speak about what remained a mystery.

 

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