Monday Time

This is the first week that we meet four times. It’s the Monday session. He hasn’t come on a Monday before. We’ve been meeting for around a month, three times a week. He’s my first training or control case. I’m a psychotherapist and I’m training to become a psychoanalyst. He’s not a control case. He’s a human being. I’m focusing too much on my own mind. The patient on the couch has yet to speak. I realize that I’m focusing on things that haven’t happened before or that I should do differently. He hasn’t been silent for this long before. I glance at the clock beyond the couch. Only two or three minutes have passed since he walked in the door. What’s happening to me? What’s wrong with me? Things become clearer: perhaps the patient feels that he’s doing something wrong on the couch. Maybe that’s how the first week of coming four times is affecting him. There’s much to explore. I remain silent. This is new for both of us. I wonder how the patient has experienced time in the last few minutes. He probably wants me to say something. He might want to run out the door. These fantasies feel real to me. I remind myself to keep listening, both to the patient and to myself. This is a new experience, and hopefully during the rest of the hour it will become clearer to me how each of us is experiencing it.



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